How did I get here?

I took one step after the other and now the man in the mirror differs from expectations.

The mind-numbing power of the big picture is something that has struck me this week. I’ve never had or thought about a big picture, not one. A goal or aim sure but never the whole story, my overrunning arc. Running has made me acutely aware of this.

I run at night sometimes; focussing only on what my head-torch illuminates ahead is oddly liberating. There is a hill I come to when I am almost home and for the past few runs I have stopped there. Not out of weariness or injury but to think about the big picture. From this hill you can see all the lights, shards of life illuminating the night, that make up the local town. The town is too far away to see people and yet you know that it’s inhabited.

It is probably far from the thoughts of the individual inhabitants, leaving these trail of light in their wake, that together they make up the town. What I see when I look down upon it isn’t just one window lit up but street lamps, tv blurs, children’s night lights and cars parking. That, to me, is the big picture. A recollection of people, bricks and mortar, hurt, loss, elation or side-splitting hilarity whatever shifts me in some way is the big picture. These shards of remembrance are the mosaic of me, my town in a way.

I’ve talked before about chapters of our lives but usually in reference to people coming and going from us. This is down to the fact that I used to see interaction as a progression of the self; through engaging with others we change ourselves. Yet thinking more about the big picture, I realised that it was me and no one else who changed who I was, when I laced up my shoes on that grim August night and started running. I changed the big picture by shutting off some lights forever, parts of me were closed off so that new parts could shine.

The point I am trying to make, however ramblingly, is that you and only you can change your big picture. Love or lose, seek adventure or settle down, let go of your past or cling onto the memories all these things are solely within your power. Use it.